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It crossed my mind recently that I haven't been spreading the word about my heritage recently, what heritage you ask? why the fact that I was hatched from a bear egg in the middle of a forest and wondered into the nearest town learning as I went, a lot of people call the day I appeared in town my birthday, when in fact the day I hatched was several months earlier. When I explain the story of my extraordinary birth to people they often say "but Sammy you wonderful person, bears don't lay eggs!" and I have to say, have you ever seen one give birth? that's usually enough to sway them, but with this been the internet I went one step further and got this picture as proof:
Amazing. One thing people never ask however when discussing the fact that I originated from a bear egg is how come I'm not a bear? I'd be more bothered about how I've been wearing the same purple skirt for 20 odd years without it getting too small or dirty personally...
Oh well....
At the moment it seems you cant watch House without tripping over adverts for Confused.com telling me that if I'm too lazy or stupid to do it myself they will compare .... whatever it is they compare, I'm usually crying to myself or screaming in horror by the time they stop terrorizing and start advertising. Seriously these adverts upset me! Especially the woman above who as you can see leans in towards the camera so much that her head turns into an egg! (see the unedited screenshot above) and the way they talk its like car insurance obsessed zombies. Check the advert out here that gap between 'confused' and 'dot com' thats insurance comparison site zombie talk! and the background props, the ones made out of paper or whatever are all skewed or something, makes the whole scene feel surreal like I'm really drunk or high, when I'm not. I think the closest thing this advert is to is a nightmare, this advert is when you wake up in the morning screaming absolutely terrified but you cant remember why, all you can think of is been chased through a swirly supermarket by lumbering zombies with eggs for heads, with faces drawn on in pen wearing wigs as some sort of egg-insurance-zombie disguise. I can't remember exactly what happens in these nightmares but I'm sure it looked something like this:
Sweet dreams.
