Doctor Jesus Medicine Woman: Part 3

Last time on Dragonball Z

This is the final part of what fictional critics are calling a modern day classic, an instant hit, future best seller and absolute load of nonsense. Psychiatrists are calling a sure sign of insanity and my job hunting helper is calling defiantly not looking for a job. I'll actually keep it short this time.


Mark and Jessica stand outside the hospital sharing a cigarette watching as the sun started to shrink behind the buildings, it'd been hours since they'd found the Poison victims on ward 5. After some initial testing between Mark and Jesus they came to the conclusion that the sick had been poisoned by radiation all the pieces were coming together in Marks head as Jesus worked on curing the people back inside, it seemed likely that someone had poisoned the Mayors water supply, the dose must have been smaller than the killer thought it was, why else bother shooting Mayor Casdres, she would be in a bed sick just like the eight people behind these doors if only they'd waited long enough. Even though he had a good idea of how the murder had happened now, there was still the rather big problem of who.
Just then Jesus pushed his way out of the hospital's front doors motioning to Mark to pass him a cigarette even as he did, as he lit his smoke he began to talk, "Well, for what it's worth they'll be fine I managed to use my 'healing touch' to reverse damage done by the radiation and the IV the resident doctors have put them on should fix out any fatigue issues.", "Any of them have anything useful to say? I mean, I think we all know what happened here now, but still, no leads on who" Mark asked, "No, none of them knows a thing, I've got a plan however" Jesus replied before taking another drag.

The plan was simple, tried and tested but the trio had a feeling it would work well enough considering the murderers actions up till now. They had split up as night fell, each deciding to explore a bar for a few hours before it got too late, and as they each sat in at their respective bars their plan started to come into action. As people got used to them they'd come over and ask questions about how the Mayors now ex-staff were doing the three would answer politely, saying that they would all recover and once they recovered one of them had something important to say regarding the killer. This was all they needed to do, it was almost Scooby Doo simple as a plan. They retired back to the hospital and waited.

It happened exactly as expected, late at night there was a noise across the ward, someone moving about in the dark, Jessica hit the lights, illuminating the room, the recovering patients and - the killer. "Games up, you're caught" the hooded figure raised his hands and dropped his concealed knife as he turned to face Jessica, "I guess, the old traps work the best eh? I should watch more day time TV all things considered" the man snickered to himself as Jesus and Mark Sloan came through the door to join them. Dr. Jesus spoke "There's no getting away how about you take off that hood and show us your face", the killer moved his hands up too his hood and began sliding it off as he began to explain "You see, my livelihood depends on the failed youth, when I heard that young Fiona had accomplished so much at a young age, I knew I had to act before the news spread to my audience" His face and story fully exposed, it all made sense Mayor Fiona Casdres was murdered and her staff poisoned by Jeremy Kyle, he lost his mind when he heard of a young woman who wasn't doing drugs sleeping around while been a bad mother and possible alcoholic, he knew that if this news ever got to his audience he'd be ruined, his empire built on the life's of badly raised children would crumble. So he traveled to Whgut and poisoned the water cooler in the Mayors office, gaining entry under the guise of a 'feel-good' story. He was inexperienced and it would be his undoing, after a couple of days it didn't seem as though the poison was taking affect, so he went to plan B, the rifle.

Kyle was arrested and executed by order of the new Mayor of Whgut, the ex hairdresser that shared the old Mayors ideals. Back aboard Doctor Jesus' aeroplane the trio shared a congratulatory shot of bourbon, Jesus looked across to Jessica with a smile and said "So, what do you think, not a bad short story?" Jessica returned the smile and replied "that would make a terrible story, I could probably jazz it up a bit though".


The End. (And, never-a-fracking-gain).

Doctor Jesus Medicine Woman: Part 2

We left our heroes here.

Bruce had landed the plane just outside of Whgut. The team had been to many places across the vast continent and reactions differ from huge crowds gathering around the plane with excitement at something new to this, nothing, no one coming to greet them almost as if there was an air of fear surrounding the town upon their arrival. The three of them moved away from the plane as Bruce watched from the planes exit hatch, watching the sun rise over the low rise buildings as a slight breeze blew a light carpet of sand across the landscape.


The three experts had reached the main street of the small town of Whgut, they had decided their first point of call should be the scene of the shooting, a cautious villager had directed them towards a small hairdressers on a side street close by the mayors office. Jesus turned into the street followed by Mark and Jessica; who was sporting an involuntary squint either from the morning sun or the drinks price on her from the night before. A short woman stepped out of the hairdressers as they got closer and shading her eyes with her hand she called "Are you here to help Miss Casdres?", "I think it might be too late for that my dear" Jesus said back as he stepped with in arms length of the woman. "Sorry, I mean, Ms. erm, Fiona Casdres she died outside my shop, your here to help catch her killer yes?". Mark stepped forwards as he said "That's the plan ma'am our job here is to try to help the people left ill and catch the one responsible". "I see you'd all better come inside then I can fill you in on what happened, not many people will be willing to talk you see". The woman turned and walked inside her shop, the trio exchanged a glance before following.

"She was a nice woman you know, She was just elected the first female Mayor of Whgut, I can't believe anyone would want her dead but the evidence makes me wrong". Mark took a breath and asked a series of short questions to find out what he could, the woman seemed to struggle with English but was pleasant and managed to answer well enough, but what use was the information they had gained?
An hour or so had passed since Jesus and his two companions had entered the hairdressers when they stepped outside into the day light again. With a sigh Jessica asked what the team had learnt, Jesus took the liberty of filling her in: "The late Mayors name was Fiona Casdres, she was generally well liked and intelligent which led to her been voted the towns Mayor at the young age of twenty, three weeks after she started her job however she was shot in the chest, its a fair assumption that the weapon was a sniper rifle of some sorts considering a lack of witnesses and at this time what passes for the law around here has no suspects. It gets interesting when you note that a day or so after the shooting people close to her, mostly staff, started getting sick, very sick in fact. Most of them are expected to die within a week or two". After this he went on to suggest that they visit the sick while they still could and find out what they could.

There was eight people affected by illness, all the same symptoms and on a similar time scale. They were been kept on a closed ward at the surprisingly present minor hospital on the outskirts of town. As the trio walked past the reception desk following directions towards ward 5 where the eight were being kept a seemingly long silence was broken by Mark; "Any theory's yet?" Dr. Jesus thought about this for a second before replying "I'm not certain, I've got a feeling but before I go any further I'd like too examine these patients" and with that Mark and Jesus pushed open the double doors into Ward 5, Jessica following close behind deep in thought.

And so as we reach the end of part two, we see Dr. Jesus, Jessica and Mark Sloan standing between two rows of four beds, Jesus looks upon the closest patient to him and mumbles to himself, "Poison".

Doctor Jesus Medicine Woman: Part 1

Alternate title: Diagnosis: Quincy Murder, She Wrote.

This my friends and strangers is a story of heroic doctoring and the positively morally right crime solving that swept parts of Africa in the 1990's thanks to the gang of super friends consisting of Doctor Jesus Medicine Woman, Mark Sloan and Jessica Fletcher. They travelled the dustier parts of Africa healing the sick, solving over complicated murder and bringing together warring tribes with brilliant acts of negotiation. Jessica writes up their escapades and has them published as a means to help them pay for fuel and maintenance on their aeroplane and of cause the modest wage of it's pilot Bruce Dickinson.

But, I before I repeat myself using slightly more descriptive words for the second time, the story I bring you today is one of their less famous stories, this one comes all the way from Namibia, a small settlement not far from Walvis Bay: the oddly named town of Whgut (Pronounced Whag-Utt).

Dr. Jesus had been studying his map of Africa looking for an case that required him and his friends special mix of ability's, and rather typically just as he had finished his cigarette and was about to call it a night a new case caught his view. Jesus sat back down to his desk in the darkened room, the light of the monitor reflecting off his face.

The Murder of the Mayor of Whgut!

"Interesting" he thought as fished around his trousers for another cigarette. As he lit his smoke he leaned to press the intercom on the wall, it was about time his traveling companions learned of their next case. "Everyone get in here, I've found something that meets our... talents" he said calmly across the intercom knowing that everyone on board would hear.

(I say on board, as Dr. Jesus and his companions not only use an aeroplane as means of travel between remote locations but the huge passenger jet sized plane is also used as the teams personal residence and headquarters for their efforts to make the world a little bit better).

It didn't take long before everyone was gathered in the now rather crowded looking work area. Some looking more -walking dead- than others, with Jessica looking especially tired, possibly due to a few to many nightcaps. Dr. Jesus had noticed her increasing dependency on alcohol, how couldn't he after all he's an experienced doctor and the son of god, for now however he would leave her too it as it had not yet affected her ability to think out side the box when working a murder case, and her loyal fans would always buy her next novel covering their upcoming case.
"There has been a murder in a town in Namibia" Jesus opened, "the mayor of the town was shot dead on her way to get her hair cut" - "That's not a case for us, its a straight forward murder" Interrupted Jessica. "It's not that simple- since her death everyone who was close to her is falling ill, all with the same symptoms. With the towns leader now gone and her team ill, the town has fallen into chaos" Jesus replied with a sigh. Sloan spoke up "Sounds interesting, any leads?" - "Nothing" said Jesus "anyway, I'm hoping that we can head there right away and get started. This has the making of a short story don't you think" He added glancing a quick smirk towards Jessica. Bruce piped up from where he was standing, leaning against the wall next to the door "I'll make preparations now, we're heading to Whgut near Walvis right?" and with this he stood up straight and left the room.

End of Part One. (Expect Part two in this cynically planned trilogy soon, and don't worry I hope the other two parts are a lot shorter, I got a bit carried away writing this).

Little known facts about Jesus #1 and #2

Hi children! *waves enthusiastically* This weeks "Little known fact about Jesus" is in fact two facts that are somehow connected and as such are in one post, I would not post to minor pieces of information in separate posts just to up the post count would I?

Now, it's a little known fact about Jesus that he absolutely loved Jelly! All colours and flavours are good, but he goes crazy for Strawberry jelly, his love went so far that his last super was basically just jelly and ice cream, Judas' hate for Jesus has many theories as to it's origin but one of the first reasons that surfaced is that Judas hates jelly, can't stand it, he prefers a nice fruit pie for dessert over jelly.




Now before you crazy kids start shouting "Hey, Jelly wasn't invented in bible times you liar" let me just explain myself, now I could just say, He's Jesus he can eat whatever he wants, but that'd be cheap. So I bring you the second Little known fact about Jesus of the day. Jesus was a time traveller not like the boring doctor who, more like Doc Brown. Now I'm not saying Jesus owned a flying Delorean, wait, that's totally what I'm saying!