Treasure Chest

My last day at the placement at the 'Local' College and I have been given something fun to play with. Several hours of audio footage from interviews, meetings and such like. Technically I'm suppose to listen and extract any interesting highlights. Actually however, I am editing them for comedic effect.

My ultimate aim is to mix together what I have into some kind of really bad music track, however for now I am just altering the lecturers voices so to bring down the students. As I am that sad. Preview you say? Okay.

Taken from a lecture preparing high school kids for life after school.

I thought about the what I'd have to say when uploading other peoples voices to this site on the bus here this morning and what I've decided is:
If you hear your voice and want it removed, let me know. Likewise, if you hear your voice and want to be credited, let me know.

No picture yet because I can't be bothered at the moment

Lets Dance

I finally got round to sending myself all of the Safety signs I made as part of sabotaging a work project and as I'm getting almost as bad as UK:Resistance when it comes to update content I have decided since I did technically make them in GIMP that they were good enough, so here's Part 1 of my "How to: Guarantee you don't get a job" picture expose.



Probably the cleverest of the bunch, that's right, we're getting the 'good' stuff out the way early.



Any form of subtle alteration is totally out the window now, at least with the first one it could have been taken as a accidental mess up.


This one doesn't even really make sense, at the time I just really wanted to play Spirograph. I know your loving these but I have to make them last, one more for this update and then I have 3 more of ever decreasing quality!

Last one above. In case you can't see the direction this post has gone in with it's message, it's basically: If you want to screw your chances of getting hired from a work trial, take your work about as seriously as you would a midget in a clown outfit.

Try to get your combat multiplier...

... even higher. I meant to post earlier today with some signs I had put together for the job I'm doing at the moment, I'm making mobile Java books to help people learn while on the toilet or something, it's boring and time consuming considering I am expected to mix in relevant pictures to the text. I quickly got bored of this and decided that the people reading it probably would have too, so I started quite subtly (she says..) with a new safety sign stating "Danger Danger, High Voltage" but after that I couldn't think of anything so innocent. So if you take a Health and Safety Course in my area in the near future and see such images in the mobile content as "Moonwalk! at all times", "Swine Flu, Wear mask" and (one of my favourites after the first I mentioned:) "Caution, Safety Dance". Then you know who to thank.

I will post those tomorrow if I get chance, only reason I didn't earlier today was that I was tired and so spent most of midday-ish drawing a picture before forgetting why I was even there and going home. I suppose I had best write something informative quite quickly as I feel I haven't done that in at least 3-4 months:

If there is one thing I have learnt over the last week, it's that the best way of educating you're children about swear words is to take them to a theme park and sit them next to the roller coasters because at least while I was in attendance this Saturday gone you couldn't get near a ride I was on without hearing a high pitched, elongated squeal of various swear words usually followed by whimpering and tears.

So if you would like the opportunity to listen to your youngling asking "Mummy what does C*nt mean and why is that girl screaming it while crying?" then you know what to do.

Wizadora because, with language like mine I'll never be aloud on kids TV.

Oh, also: Hi Ray, your Pirate ship ride sucks and your failed attempts at killing us makes me laugh, I hope many people vomit on your 5£ sun glasses from above.

I did it again didn't I?

Promised tales of hilarity forgotten about and even more since then, a brief summerary, they decided to split up our group as we were clearly causing to much trouble so I ended up in with a bunch of rather boring strangers. For some reason however rather than taking this as a sign to shut up and work or whatever, I decided it was time for me to change the class into more of an arts & crafts session. I have sitting at home now a Pokedex and a Dragon Ball Z scouter that I made out of cardboard and felt tip pens rather than working on employability. I also tried my hand at dirty jokes and hosting a quiz show during an application form techniques class.

Either way that is at an end now as I have been put out on placement at the local College handling web development and such. You can tell how much I'm enjoying it as I am writing this from my office desk.

Must dash, but if anyone is out at Drayton Mannor this Saturday keep an eye out for the girl in the "I -heart- Chocobo's" top, Wearing an Helen Hunt mask (Really on this one, don't think about it to much).

Juniper

I've disappeared again I know. But at least I have a slightly better reason than laziness this time. I've been forced into a 13 week employability course with a company called Juniper training (feel free to think badly of them). Basically I sit in a room with a large number of people who can't read or write and discuss the finer points of getting dressed with the aim of helping people get jobs.

To be fair a lot of the people in my group might actually need that help this one man (can't remember the name and probably would not type it anyway). Spent 5 minutes complaining at me that the company would not pay for postage on an application form he had filled in. When I asked why he told me it was -Just- because he had spelt his name wrong and put in the wrong address and scribbled it out. In almost those exact words. On top of this we had one guy arguing with an 'employment officer' (read: teacher) about the legitimacy of the British National Party as a political group rather than a bunch of racist hate-mongers.



All of this said there are reasonable people and fun story's to tell, Including in no particular order claiming to a group of 20 with a straight face that I wanted to work in a sex shop as a dream career stating some innuendo laced reasons. An A3 drawing of 'The very hungry Caterpillar' getting stuck to the wall with glue during a CV building session and getting given Friday off to do an 'external research project' which I can only assume is the teachers having had enough of us collectively for one week. Speaking of which I wonder if writer/journalist would count as a career that I have researched otherwise they will end up disappointed come Monday.

Anyway when I get chance I would really like to expand on some of the fun things that happen while I'm on this waste-of-tax-payers-money course as while I enjoy writing, I really have had no inspiration of late, even with regards to the story I want to write. I guess, writing what you know is better than knowing what you just blatantly made up sometimes.

(oh and it might be noticeable that since my last post, adverts were added and removed, to explain, I was offered money to advertise, I was not happy but needed a bit of cash. After an initial payment I've decided I liked my site better when it wasn't advertising a rubbish company I have never heard of and will never use, as such they have been removed).