Tuesday, 23 September 2008

How to: Replace someones daughter with Dr. Jack Stewart from Diagnosis Murder

I'm not one to question why exactly you might want to replace someone's daughter with that arse Jack Stewart (Scott Baio) but one day the situation might come about that it needs to be done and when it does I think I'd rather have planned for the situation rather than having to think on me feet.

Now the first step would be to acquire yourself a Dr. Jack Stewart, as without one it would be rather hard to make the swap in the first place, the best way I can think of doing this would be to secretly replace him with some kind of straw filled doll while no ones looking (See below).
Once you have your Dr. Stewart straw doll constructed It's a simple enough matter to make the switch between the two that I don't think I need to explain it, so once you have made the switch and you have in your possession the good Doctor move on to step two...

Okay, step two is the important part, switching your captured TV doctor with someone's daughter, now just to make myself clear here so I don't get locked up for the wrong reasons, I'm talking an adult here not a child, for example if you used this technique to replace me, you'd be still be replacing someone's daughter despite my age! If you use this method to do away with some child it's none of my business so don't come crying to me when someone's parents notice that their 2month old child never actually acted with Dick Van Dyke. So, when replacing (technically kidnapping I suppose) someone's daughter with Scott Baio atleast try to keep the age legal! Right..... Step two, the important part, make sure your TV actor is knocked out cold so he doesn't try to escape or anything, then proceed into the house of your target and, here's the clever bit, replace the daughter with your actor while they sleep, and bang your done. well this is assuming your target actually wanted to come with you in the first place and this whole plan was to harmlessly replace her with someone society wouldn't miss so you could go out for tea, crumpets and boogy all around a lovely pick-a-nic basket filled with wine without her parents noticing.

The optional step three, this step is only here incase you and your daughter of choice arn't planning this swap together and you are infact kidnapping someone, just a couple of simple changes from step two for you really, one, bring what ever you used to knock Baio out with you to knock out the daughter before you carry her away, have a get away car ready, running with someone over your shoulder will probably slow you down, and incase you expect some sort of ransom f
or your deed why not consider attaching a note to your TV Doctor listing your demands.

There you have it whether you are innocently creating a distraction so your mate can come out and play, or kidnapping someone for your own terrible reasons. why not try the Dr. Jack Stewart from Diagnosis Murder method.

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